Tuesday, April 11, 2006

"Hey, Baby!"

OK. So once again, I show my impeccable sense of split-second timing by posting on a topic a month late.

Last month, the Blank Noise Project called for a blogathon on street harassment. I had the best of intentions, but, well...

But I decided to dust off my notes and take a crack at it anyway. Thus:


The first thing that I thought of when I considered writing about street harassment was the times I have tried to answer my wife's question, "Why do guys do that!?"

Although I have never--not once--in my life called out "Hey Baaaabee!" "Nice Ass!" or "Goddamn, you're hot!" to a woman on the street, I think I understand some of the motivations of guys that do, and I think there are three basic things going on.

I. The Linebacker Syndrome

The first one, I'll call the "linebacker syndrome." Although, as I said above, I have never called out to a woman on the street (or anywhere else, for that matter), it is a different story when I watch football. I (like many sports enthusiasts) am given to spontaneous vocal indications of my appreciation for a particularly deft piece of athleticism, such as "Nice Fucking Hit!" when a linebacker swoops out of nowhere and decks a receiver.* Similarly, one thing that I have said out loud in the street is "Nice fucking car!" especially if I see a 1967 Camaro.** Both are spontaneous expressions of appreciation, and both are usually out of my mouth before I notice I'm saying them. I tend to think of them, especially the football vocalization, as "innocent exuberance. "

But although that's what the defenders of "Linebacker Syndrome" -type harassment will claim in their defense, there's nothing innocent about a total stranger remarking on a woman's sexual attractiveness in public.

For starters, it should be obvious that a 1967 Camaro is an object. A woman is not (see below). Second, a middle linebacker playing in the NFL has is deliberately positioned himself as the object of the public gaze, evaluation, and vocal response. A woman walking down the street on her way to work has not. Were she, say, pole dancing, it would be a different story. But no one likes to suddenly find themselves the object of public discourse when it was not their intention to be so--especially not on a topic as personal and volatile as the sexual response of strangers to their appearance.***

On top of that, women are generally harassed for what they look like--linebackers are praised for what they do. Were the harasser's praise based on something that the woman was doing ("Way to Schlepp those Groceries!" "Goddamn! That's some fiiiine parallel parking!") then it would at least implicitly acknowledge the woman as an active subject in the relationship. But as long as the praise is about the woman's appearance (her suitability for the harasser's visual consumption and pleasure), or her attractiveness (her suitability for his projection of his sexual desires onto her), then only he is the active participant in the exchange (desiring, consuming, projecting) and she a passive object (being looked at, being desired, being projected upon). It's a one-way street in which only one person is accorded full human status.


II Homosociality

I've gone off on homosociality at length but suffice to say that it's the system through which (heterosexual) male-male relationships are both defined in opposition to and strengthened at the expense of male-female relationships.

Although guys certainly perpetrate this type of harassment when alone, when it's done in groups it's important to know that the other guys are the actual audience--the harasser is not saying "Hey, Baby, Nice Ass" to the woman involved because he genuinely wishes to initiate a conversation with her. He is performing in front of his friends, who may or may not join him in this. Their interactions with her become a form a bonding between them. This is essentially the same dynamic as gang rape.

I think this might allow for the division of harassment into group and individual examples. My suspicion would be that harassers acting as part of a male group are harassing as a form of homosocial bonding, while guys who do individually are probably actually trying to have an interaction with the woman--either enjoying the intimidation or misguidedly thinking they are somehow being complimentary.

III. Letting women know their place

Unfortunately, whether group or individual, "innocent" or deliberately abusive, all forms of street harassment have the same function--letting women know their place, instructing women as to their role, and keeping them afraid.

I think it's fair to say that most guys don't realize this is going on. Not that they're little innocents, but most people in general don't think this hard about everyday interactions. No matter. These guys have no fucking idea what it means to be afraid just because you are female and walking down the street.

Referring back to #I, in which the guy is free to publicly display his sexuality, it's important to distinguish between the sexually-charged interaction in which the guy is actually trying to flirt with the woman as an equal and when he is deliberately displaying is sexuality to her in a socially unacceptable manner--much like displaying his genitalia would be. That's the difference between a legitimately interested look ("I find you attractive. Perhaps we could initiate flirtatious behavior?") and a leer ("You're one hot bitch. Damn, I'd like to do you.")

In fact, to extend the parallel, there's not a whole hell of a lot of semiotic difference between shouting "Hey, Bitch! You give me a Hard-on!" at a woman and actually whipping it out and shaking it at her. Except the first is likely to get passed off as "innocent fun" while the second will get you 5 years and a "sexual offender" status.

Both of those activities are threatening precisely because the public display of sexuality is something that women know to be fraught with danger, both social and physical, while it is an activity that many men find empowering and exciting. The act of displaying his sexuality publicly, and simultaneously calling out her sexuality despite her desire to keep it private is both a demonstration of his ability to bring her out of the safety of "non-sexual woman" and into the danger of "woman publicly seen to be sexual" and a demonstration to everyone involved that a) he is more in charge of the situation than she is, and b) his sexuality empowers him, while hers makes her a target.

So, hopefully, this little diatribe may accomplish two things--answer the question "Why do guys do that?" and arm you, my gentle readers, for the possible calling out of anyone--friend, family, or stranger--who pulls that shit and then has the gall to protest "Hey, I was only having fun," "Hey, it was just a compliment," or the ever-popular "What's the big deal?"

Because every time this happens, another man is telling another woman,
"No matter who you are, where you are, or how you behave, you are a target. No matter how you may wish to hide or disguise your sexuality in order to keep yourself safe, you cannot do so because your sexuality is actually mine to invoke at any time I see fit, and my invocation of your sexuality simultaneously makes you vulnerable and empowers me. The public sphere is mine to act in, and yours to be afraid in. I am predator, you are prey. Never forget that."
And that's a Big Deal.


=================================
*and for anyone contemplating a homo-erotic parallel between street harassment and my athletic cheering, I assure you, I am just as likely to yell out something obscene and enthusiastic when Desiree Williams rips one into left field or Cat Osterman strikes out yet another hapless batter. My God, can that woman pitch.

**Yes I have regressive taste in cars. Sue me.

***This is not to rule out remarks on someone's sexual attractiveness when they are part of a socially acceptable and mutually desirable process of flirtation. That many men claim not to understand the difference between dropping "you have such a charming smile" into the middle of an already-flirtatious conversation and hollering "Nice Ass!" at a woman schlepping home her groceries is evidence of either abysmal ignorance of the social codes governing flirting or a cynical disingenuousness.

2 Comments:

At April 14, 2006 1:24 PM, Blogger belledame222 said...

All of the above, plus also, I am thinking, sometimes at least, really really really pathetically underdeveloped social skills. Possibly to the point of mild Asperger's in some cases. No, seriously. At any rate the "how to be a player" type websites and so on, besides the obvious gross misogyny, seem crawling with the chronically unsocialized. In at least one case where I've had prolonged (virtual) contact with the guy, it does truly seem like he not only doesn't get it, but may be actually incapable of getting it. The hostility, of course, is something else again; but then, wouldn't you be hostile if you were dimly aware that everyone else had something you didn't have but probably never could? The fucked-up part is when the assumption is that the "something" is sex. It's not. It's something else.

I should say: in the case I'm thinking of, it seems more like pathological narcissism. I dunno. I understand that the autistic spectrum is very different from personality disorders, clinically. God knows there are plenty of sweet lovely people with Asperger's and related, and plenty of supercially charming and suave narcissists. But it does seem like I keep encountering these sort of hostile-yet-pathetic geeks, who seem profoundly lacking in both empathy and social skills. And I'm all to myself, which came first, here, the chicken or the egg? Nature, nurture? Some of each? Either way it does seem rather hopeless. Some people may just not be *able* to pick up the clue phone, no matter how loudly it's ringing. Which is sad and funny and infuriating all at once.

For the most part, though, anyway, back to street harassment: basically what you said.

 
At April 20, 2006 6:53 PM, Anonymous Sarah said...

Very well put.

 

Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home