Mandatory Pregnancy Adoption

Oh, Sweet Jesus in an Orphanage, why couldn't I have thought of this?

You know those stickers that say "Against Abortion? Don't have one!" I think the basic idea is sound ("it's not your deal, keep your bible out of my uterus"), but they are criticized with reasonable justification as being somewhat logically unsound. The death-penalty equivalent, of course, is "Against Capital Punishment? Don't Execute Anyone!"

Hmm. Not sounding so clever now.

But Kelly-the-commenter (who, unfortunately left no email address or URL) has the answer. A bumper sticker based on her modest proposal might read "Against Abortion? Adopt!"

[Huh??]

Yeah, I know. It's not like adoption would actually prevent abortions. But it might prevent a lot of anti-choice rhetoric from ever getting off the ground if that adoption were, say, mandatory:

I say anyone who is anti-choice should be placed on a mandatory adoption list to ensure that all children born of an unwanted pregnancy whose mothers were denied access to either birth control or abortion be forced to adopt a child. Regardless of their financial and social circumstances, regardless of the age of the child, and regardless of the status of the child as special needs, anyone opposed to abortion should have to open up his or her home to the next child on the list when his or her name comes up on the list!!!

Or, as the bumper sticker version might say, "Against Abortion? Adopt an Unwanted Child or Shut the Fuck Up!"

I especially like the part about "regardless of their financial and social circumstances." I can just hear the excuses already:

But I'm single! I work full time and go to school--how can I possibly provide a decent home for a child?

But we're empty nesters--we just sent Brittany off to SMU--how can we care for a child with spina bifida at this point in our lives?

But my husband just got laid off--and we have four kids already! How the hell am I supposed to support another?

My G-d, I still have bruises from the last time I had to give him bad news. If he finds out we're getting another child, he'll kill me. And I can't leave him--where would I go?

To which the Kindly Social Worker would respond (with a professional smile),

Tough shit, honey. You think women should be forced to bear children against their will. Here's the end result. Deal.

Oh, and by the way, to answer your questions in order:
1) You can't. But don't ask for help because we've cut student loans and won't even consider subsidized day care.
2) You figure it out. But don't ask for help, because your state's Children's Health Insurance Program has been cut all to shreds in the past couple of years.
3) You aren't. But don't ask for help--you're only poor because you're lazy.
4) Your call, Toots, but don't ask for help because the domestic violence shelter is full to the brim.

Not that this would in and of itself either a) prevent abortions or b) stop states from passing laws making abortion nigh-unto impossible unless you happen to be middle or upper-class. But it would sure as shit take the wind out of the sails of the anti-choice equivalents of the Yellow Elephants: you think women should be forced to bear children against their will? Sign up here. You like the idea of babies randomly airdropped into homes completely unable to care for them? Pick a number. We'll call you when it gets picked.

Fuck--it could be like the draft during Viet Nam, televised and everything. Perhaps the ultimate reality show. "Join us tonight on Babydraft, and we'll see if Mac and Debbie--still reeling from the news that they're going to be parents--get the chubby blonde 2 month-old with dimples, the 6 year-old who was molested repeatedly at age 3 and now has ADHD and pyromanical tendencies, or the 13 year-old convicted rapist!"

Yikes. And let's not even mention the possibility that all three kids have skin that doesn't exactly match Mac and Debbie's. Won't that be a test of their Christian charity? Tune in next week...

Now, before you jump on my ass about how you've adopted nine crack babies or whatever, listen up: I am not saying that nobody has the right to be anti-choice. My wife used to be a Kindly Social Worker out in the boonies of Texas, and she knew people who were strongly, religiously anti-choice, but who would and did sign up to take crack babies, ADHD pyromaniacs and 13 year-old convicted rapists into their homes. These people have a lot of respect in my book, and if they say "Every baby is precious," I know they fucking well mean it because they've taken in--and loved--some of the most desperately fucked-up, difficult to deal with, violent and bat-shit crazy children ever to fall into the tender mercies of the State of Texas.

And yes, I know it's not a perfect analogy: babies aren't born 6 or 13, and yes, I know that adopting out your unwanted child is always (at least theoretically) an option. But it's the same put-up-or-shut-up idea as the last post. If it's about the babies, take care of the fucking babies. Then I'll take you seriously. But if you're not willing to turn you life inside out to accommodate a thrown-away child, then you're just blowing smoke. Smoke that usually sounds like "why allow abortion when their are thousands of families just waiting for a miracle in their lives?"

Yeah? If all these wonderful people are lining up to adopt, why is there a foster care system in every state in the nation? Hmmm? You do the math.

And let's not even mention birth control. Jesus Fuck. If people really wanted to prevent abortions, they'd be beating down the RNC's door demanding that condoms be free, that the pill be OTC, the FDA get off it's ass and approve Plan B,* and that we put a 50% sales tax on motherfucking Viagra so we can fund research into some birth control worthy of the 21st century.

Because face it, folks. If a birth control method existed that was free, safe, foolproof, freely available without shame or judgment and 99.9% effective, abortion would virtually disappear.

But [sigh], it's not about the babies, now is it? At least not for the majority of people out there. Yeah, they may actually believe conception begins at life, and they may actually believe abortion is murder, but if abortion was really the problem, if they really didn't want abortion to happen, then they'd be all about contraception. I mean, please:

Umm, I understand you oppose abortion and consider it to be murder.
That's right!
And you're willing to take extreme measures to stop it?
Praise Jesus, yes. Wouldn't you take extreme measures to stop the murder of babies?
Well, would these "extreme measures" involve blocking Planned Parenthood clinics, harassing doctors, and criminalizing abortion?
Nothing's too extreme to save babies!
Even though we know these measures wouldn't really stop abortion, but just send it back underground?
Every baby saved is precious.
I see. And if contraception existed that was safe, foolproof, and 99.99% effective, would you support the "extreme measure" of distributing it universally, even to minors, considering that it would prevent far, far more abortions than criminalizing abortion ever would?
Of course not!
I see. So it's really not about saving babies, is it? It's about controlling women's sexuality.
Why do you Liberals hate Christians so much!?!**

_______________________
*Don't even try to tell me that Plan B is an "abortion drug." Don't even start. I'm sooo tired of that crap. The IUD is known to prevent implantation (the supposed "abortion"). Plan B is not.

**Which is not to say that Liberals aren't Christians. That's as much of a bullshit false dichotomy (created by satan's minion Karl Rove, et al.) as the whole "Patriot vs. Liberal" one. Martin Luther King Jr. was a flaming anti-war Liberal. And he was a fuck of a lot more genuinely religious than the entire congregation of your average suburban megachurch combined.